Hidden Love
by roxel-destiel-klaine
Summary: Andrea Amell has dreamed of being a star ship captain her whole life. only problem is there has never been a female captain, so she decides she will be Anders Amell and join the crew of the Enterprise. When her secret is discovered by the person she is coming to love how will he react to the news? will she loose her rank or even worse her heart? Spock/OC
1. Chapter 1

Being part of Star Fleet was a dream of mine since before I can remember. When I was young I remember looking up into the stars and wishing with all my heart that I was up there exploring new life and new civilizations. But when I saw the completely awful uniforms they forced the women to ware I began to rethink my opinions. I began researching into Star Fleet history and will even admit to hacking their computers a few times to learn more about their history. Based on everything I had read and researched there had never once been a female captain of any star ship. Here we were so far into the future and women were still being treated like they were back so many years ago. I was by no means a feminist don't get me wrong but I knew that I could take those men in a fight and run a ship ten times better than any of them. So I decided that I would prove that a woman was the right choice to be a star fleet captain.

When I entered academy a made sure that my files were untraceably changed so that no one would know the truth. I went from being Andrea to Anders. I chopped all my hair off so that it was now shaggy and since I never had much of a chest anyway, which in this case I was happy about for once, it was easy to fool everyone. I had managed to hack into the school's systems whenever a physical was due and submit a fake report I was also able to excuse myself from any gym related activities. I focused on my studies and kept mostly to myself so that I could become the top and the best at everything. When my graduation came I was asked which star ship I wanted to be stationed upon and my choice was clear it was either the USS Enterprise or no ship at all. The Enterprise was known as one of the best ships Star Fleet had ever produced and that its crew was famous for escaping death but my focus was that the captain of the ship was known to be one of the most bold and brash captain's star fleet had ever produced. He was dedicated to the ship above all else I could learn from him and I fully planned to.

I was lucky enough for the Enterprise to be departing on a five year mission to explore the galaxy. It was the first time a mission like this had ever been attempted. I waited patiently in the office for the dean to come back. I was to meet the first officer of the Enterprise and he was to give me information about the crew and its goals and make sure all the paper work was filed perfectly. I heard the door open and rose to greet my new commander. He was clearly Vulcan and I remember reading his file when looking over staff history records. He was known as Spock and he was half human and half Vulcan. He was known for being an incredibly logical thinker, making sure that rules and regulations were followed to perfection.

"It is a pleasure to meet you cadet, my name is Spock and I am the first officer aboard the Enterprise," he reached out a hand. I found it odd since in my readings it had said Vulcan hands were incredibly sensitive, and that when they shake hands they grasp at the wrist as to avoid direct hand to hand contact. I reached out and latched my hand onto his wrist and firmly shook before pulling away. I could see the look of surprise flash in his eyes but his face remained calm and collected. "I've been looking over your paper work and it appears that you have taken every class star fleet has to offer and passed with incredible marks. The only thing your records did not show was gym classes, may I inquire as to why that is?"

"I was exempt from gym classes due to the premise that I substituted it was combat fighting and I was already taking so many other classes. Do not worry though commander I can hold my own better than most I believe," I straighten my posture and clasped my hands behind my back.

"We shall see of that fact. Looking over your records I see no reasons to deny your request to serve aboard the Enterprise. I think you would make an excellent addition to the crew." He turned to face the Dean. "I believe Mr. Anders thinks have already been loaded for transfer correct?" the Dean nodded. "Excellent I shall take the cadet with me than." He turned to leave and I followed quickly at his heels.

We were loaded into a car and driven to where the ship was set to leave tomorrow. It was an incredibly quiet ride and I spent most of it analyzing my traveling companion. He seemed less reserved than a Vulcan should but I deduced that down to his heart being human. He tried to hard it seemed which made him come across distant and cold but I began thinking he wants to embrace his human side. I watched him as he stared out the window the sights outside reflecting in his dark chocolate colored eyes. I could see past the shield he had put up and could see his sense of excitement and joy at seeing the culture of his other half.

I pulled my gaze away from Spock. I was beginning to feel for him in a weird unfamiliar way. I had managed to survive academy with only a few encounters with the other girls. I had been asked out several times and when I declined rumors began circulating that I played for the other team. So then it went from girls to guys hitting on me. I had brushed them aside because they did not matter. But I believe that if I dropped my defense to much that I would fall in love with the being sitting beside me.

My fist clenched as I mentally kicked myself for being so foolish. No man was worth destroying everything I had built. If Star fleet were to find out everything I did I would surely have my duty revoked and never achieve my dream of one day becoming Captain of a star ship. I calmed myself and focused all my attention out the window until we arrived. The view of the enterprise was beautiful. She was everything I had dreamed of and more. Spock led me through the crowd of people until we were fully on board. My head was racing with excitement. When we entered the turbo deck Spock spoke again, "We are in route to the bridge where you will meet the Captain and the rest of the Bridge crew. You will be stationed here so don't forget the way."

There was no way I would ever forget. Every memory was clear because I never wanted to forget it. When the lift stopped and the doors opened I was greeted with a roomful of eyes. Spock walked into the room and I followed him until he stopped in front of the Captain's chair.

"Captain this is the new recruit we were informed about. I looked over all the files and it looks like he is highly qualified for the position, "Spock said. The captain stood from his chair and extended a friendly hand.

"Captain James T. Kirk," he said boisterously. I accepted the gesture and responded,

"Anders Amell. It is a pleasure to be serving under you Captain."

"Welcome aboard the Enterprise. Your first order of business is to report to Dr. McCoy for a full physical." I wanted to protest but that didn't seem like the wisest move. Back talking the captain my first day with the whole bridge crew watching.

"Yes Captain," I responded like a good little cadet.

"Mr. Spock please escorts Mr. Amell to sick bay."

"It is fine Captain I know the way," I turned and headed back towards the turbo lift. Once inside I began formulating a plan in my head. It was probably just a basic and I wouldn't have to dress down or anything so I began to relax. Once I reached my appointed area I was met by a blonde woman. "I was issued to report to Dr. McCoy by the captain," I stated plainly. She looked at me very oddly but then gestured for me to follow her. In the next room there seemed to be a much shaken doctor. He was mumbling to himself as he was signing documents. "Five freaking years in space, god help me," I heard him mumble. "Doctor we have the new Lieutenant here for a check-up by the captain."

"Alright Christine thanks," he turned around to face me. "Names McCoy. Hope up on the table and I'll be with you in just a second." I did as was ordered. The doctor finished his paper and walked over to me and pulled my arm up before sticking a needle into me. I watched as crimson liquid began to file the vile at the end of the needle. "What's your name?"

"Anders Amell sir," I said. As far as I recalled gender unless deeply analyzed would not give away my secret. The physical had gone faster than expected and if the doctor realized the truth he certainly didn't let on. We were not set to leave until 08:00 tomorrow so I decided to seek out and stay in my cabin. Walking down the hall I began looking at the names on the doors. Captain Kirks was one and the one right next to his was Commander Spock then my own.

As I entered I dropped my bag on the floor and began rummaging around for something more comfortable than my black recruit outfit. As of tomorrow it was blue shirts and trousers so I decided shorts and a regulated undershirt would make it cool enough. Once changed I began to hear the water running in the bathroom curious I carefully peaked inside to see Spock standing there. His body was hidden from the perspiration clinging to the walls of the small shower but there was no doubting it was Spock. I quietly closed the door and flopped down on the bed. It had been a long night. I had stayed up most of the night having been nervous so I read through files about the crew and the design of the Enterprise. It was all finally catching up to me as I placed my hand over my face to shield my eyes from the light, which I was too lazy to even turn off. I slowly began to fall asleep listening to the sound of the water.

When I finally awoke it was evening and the ship had quieted down I drug myself up from my sleep of the dead. And walked over to the door where my bag was. There were two little white sheets of paper that someone had slide under the door. One said, _I came by to see if you were interested in joining me for some activities for our lift our party tonight. It would give you a great change to meet the crew rec room 8:00pm~kirk. _I looked over at the clock to see it was only seven and I had full time to get ready if I decided to attend. I did not read to the other note due to the fact that I began digging through my bag for suitable attire for tonight. Once found I headed for the shower. I made sure to knock as to be sure I would not walk in on my commander again. When I got no answer I opened the door and peeked inside it looked clear. Once safely inside I made sure to lock both doors so there would be no chance of anyone accessing the restroom.

Once fully showered I took more time than usual to do my hair so it looked presentable and not my normal bed head that I always wore. I spiked it so it looked like I was a bad boy accompanied by black skinny jeans and a matching black tee that clung tight to show my less than feminine figure. I swear I looked more like a boy than a girl even without all the props. I had made sure I was in shape so my shirt clung to my muscular arms in a way that seemed to appeal to most earth women. Once finally satisfied I unlocked the door and headed out to the rec room.

I had taken longer to get ready than I expected so mostly everyone was there when I entered the rec room. Thankfully I was not the only one in street clothes. Most of the women were dressed in shimmering party gowns as to show what they look like outside of uniform and attract a mate for the night probably. I could see eyes turn to look me over as I walked into the room. Loud music was playing but it was a decent song so it didn't bother me. I walked over to the Captain who was talking to Spock and McCoy. He turned to face me, giving me a once over, "Ah Anders glad you could make it!" he said slinging an arm around my shoulder. I could smell the booze on his breath. He turned to look over to a man and exclaimed, "One for our newest member Scotty!" The man acknowledges the captain's order and began filling a cup with beer. He brought it over and handed it to me. "Scotty meet Anders, Anders this is Scotty best damn engineer in all the galaxy."

"Pleasure to meet you sir," I said taking the cup from him. I didn't drink. It made logic tuck tail and run the other way and made people act like idiots. But I inferred that this was a test from my captain so I timidly took a sip of the common substance. Kirk gave me a slap on the back, "That's my boy! See Spock even smart people can have fun," his attention was focused solely on the commander now.

"My apologies Captain but the idea of alcohol at this party was a bad idea from the start. I see no reason as to why we are even having this party." The more Spock talked the more I began to like him. He had a firm point and stuck to his morals. I looked over to the doctor who was looking at me with an odd look on his face like I had a third eye or something. The Captain moved from me to take the first officers arm and drag him towards the make shift stage they had created, leaving me alone with McCoy.

"I left you a note. Why didn't you answer me?" his tone seemed harsh but that could be due to the fact that he had to raise his voice to be heard over the music.

"I'm sorry doctor, I did not see it. Is there something you wished to talk with me about?" he knew. He had to of. But I was going to play like I had done nothing wrong until he blatantly came out and said it. He moved closer to me as to make sure our conversation was secret.

"There were some interesting things on your report today. Is there something you wish to tell me?" I sighed inwardly but continued to feign ignorance.

"What could I possibly have to tell you doctor?" he gave me a harsh stare.

"Oh I don't know perhaps the fact that you're really a female," he whispered. Damn. My secret was up. But maybe I could get the good doctor to play along.

"Oh right, that. Please doctor it's not that big a deal is it? You haven't informed the Captain have you?" I could hear the slight panic in my own voice.

"No I figured you had a good reason for what you did and thought I should talk to you first. What I want to know is how you went three years in the academy without anyone finding out." I grinned sheepishly.

"Well let's just say that Star Fleet should put a lot more security on their databases." He looked at me like I had slapped him across the face.

"The security of files is one of the most advanced in the galaxy, Mr. Spock himself helped design it's software."

"Well than I guess that means my hacking skills exceed Mr. Spock knowledge," I giggled and McCoy finally cracked a smile.

"Well since you don't seem to be a treat to the ship I have no reason to tell the Captain about this. It will stay with me, you have my word." I wanted to thank the Doctor for his promise but a loud voice over the speakers cut me off before I could,

"Ladies and Gentleman, I would like to thank you all for coming out this fine evening," Kirk was standing center stage with a mic in his hand. "Tomorrow we make history by setting off on a five year mission that no man has ever attempted before. We are a family here on the Enterprise and right now I would like to introduce you to our newest family member, ladies you're gonna love him, Anders come up here." I could see Kirk's eyes searching me out in the crowd I solemnly dropped my head in defeat as I began walking up to the stage. I joined the Captain and he placed his arm around my shoulder once more. If I didn't know the customs of men by now I'd say the Captain was gay but having been a man for over three years it was something I was accustom to by now.

"Well here he is everybody our new member let's give him a warm Star Fleet welcome," at Kirk's words the crew began clapping. The captain had clearly had way too much to drink. I could feel him swaying as he held onto my shoulder. "Let's make sure to make him feel as welcome as we can alright?" the crew cheered and I quickly retreated off stage. I was stopped by a lady with tall blonde hair.

"My name's Yeoman," she said timidly. She looked very pretty and a part of me wished I had her looks. "I've been reading your file is it true you're fluent in 5 earth languages and 7 space ones?"

"C'est exact. L'étude des langues est aussi belle que toi," I said. I figured a little flirtation might get me a long way with the female crew members and perhaps even some of the males.

"So beautiful what did you say?" her eyes sparkled from the lights over head as she looked up at me.

"I said, that is correct for the study of languages is just as beautiful as you," I watched as a blush swept across her cheeks. I smiled to myself. Women were easy creatures to flatter.

"Well aren't you a charmer," she giggled. We were joined by the overly drunk captain once more.

"Yeoman I see you're getting to know our new member here. Quiet a guy isn't he," Kirk smiled sloppily. Human men were horrible. I had read many books on other races and how they attain there mates. It is more logical approach and much more graceful in most cases. Human men simply puffed out there chest and let their ego ooze like the simple primates they descended from.

Spock was soon by the Captain's side making sure the captain was being logical as always.

"Captain I believe we should end the party now. Most of the crew as an early morning tomorrow and the last thing we need is everyone, including our Captain to have hangovers." The Captain stumbled and I reached to catch him.

"Thanks Lieutenant. Mr. Spock I am perfectly fine and can you just for once let loose and have a little fun. Look how happy everyone is. This is the last time most of them will see their home for five whole years. Let them enjoy tonight Spock," the Captain stumbled again but I made sure to keep him upright.

"As you wish Captain but I believe you have had enough to drink. I must ask that you at least return to your quarters." The Captain thought for a minute.

"Captain I agree with Sock we have a big day tomorrow and you need to be in tip top shape for it. The crew looks up to you, you would want them to see you like that would you?" I tried. He nodded in agreement.

"Alright I guess the two of you have a point. But the party will continue in my absence!" he jested. He pulled himself out of my grip and began trying to walk away but he stumbled once more. I helped him back up.

"Spock I'll escort the Captain back to his quarters," I moved Kirk behind me and lifted him up into a piggy back form so it would be much easier to carry him. I carefully walked out of the room but the Captain kept moving around. I almost dropped him a couple times but we reached his cabin soon enough. Once we were in his room I eased him off my back. It seemed the beer's effect on his equilibrium. He stood tall, looking down at me with intensity.

"You know Anders I can't help but notice you're different than everyone else. You look reserved like you're hiding something. But your eyes sparkle, almost like a girl's, with truth. I find myself at ease when you're around," he laughed. "Wow I guess I drank more than I thought. I'm not really making much sense am I?" I helped lower the Captain on the bed and removed his shoes for him. "You're sure you're not a chick?" he asked before he passed out.

I hurried out of the Captain's room. But I run right into Spock as I was leaving. "I'm so sorry Commander," I babbled.

"It is alright Lieutenant. I was just checking to make sure the Captain got back to his quarters with no problems." His voice was like velvet, soothing and soft to the soul. I could literally listen to him talk for hours if he'd ever give me the chance. "It is still early would you like to join me for a game of ches?" he offered. Honestly if it were anyone else I would have declined and returned to the comfort of my room but Spock was like my kryptonite, I could simply not resist him.

"A game of chess would be nice," I said. He nodded and continued down the hall to his room and I followed eagerly. Once inside I found the room hot and humid, but said nothing. I remember that Vulcan was a desert like plant. So it was only logical that Spock would feel comfortable in the setting. He walked over to the desk where the chest board was already set up and ready for playing.

"Are you familiar with this version?" he asked.

"Of course," I replied. I was actually really good at chess but I figured I would let Spock find that out on his own.

"I do enjoy playing with humans for it seems your moves are normally illogical yet predictable," I could hear the confidence he held in himself oozing out. I smirk and began playing. By my sixth turn I was ready to put him in checkmate.

"It seems that we humans may not be as predictable as you think commander," I said as I moved my place to checkmate his king. He looked at the board with a puzzled look on his face.

"That was a very good game Lieutenant. I must say you are highly advanced in logical and critical thinking. You play an excellent game of chess," he kept his eyes on the board as if looking for his mistake.

"Thank you commander I hold that comment in the highest seeing as how Vulcan's pride themselves on logic," I smiled as he looked up at me. For a second our eyes locked and I could see deep into those dark eyes. Spock looked away quickly as if he had seen something he didn't like. I stood up, "You must excuse me Commander the hour seems to be quiet late I do not wish to keep you from your sleep." I began my decent to the door. But Spock was faster and beat me to it.

"Lieutenant wait," he grasped my shoulders fairly hard. I knew there would be bruises there tomorrow. He looked down at me with an intensity that scared me. He was looking back into my eyes as if searching for something. What it was I did not know but he didn't seem to find whatever it was. "I'm sorry Lieutenant," he said walking back over the desk and slouching down in his chair, clearly deep in thought. I used it to my advantage and made my way out of the room. Once safely in my own cabin I pressed my back against the door trying to calm my heart rate down. Spock defiantly had an unusual effect on me calming yet making my nerves fire into hyper drive.

Once I brought my heart rate down I climbed into bed and will thoughts Spock to vacate my head. But it was no use. As hard as I tried sleep eluded me and thoughts of my commander filled my mind. I was not sure when but apparently I had fall asleep only to be awoken by the sound of an alarm clock informing me I had thirty minutes to report to my post.

I felt so tired but knew if I was late it would be a bad start to the five year mission I was going to be on. Dragging myself out of bed I headed towards the bathroom not even aware that I had shed my clothes from last night and was simply dressed in a thin lace tight fitting tank top and my boxers. I walked into the bathroom completely forgetting to knock to find Spock standing in front of the mirror brushing his teeth. He looked at me strangely and I looked down to finally realize what I was wearing before closing the door and rushing to change into something more suitable. I decided to skip using the bathroom completely and head to the bridge early once in the turbo lift I could hear someone hollering to hold the lift I pushed to keep the door open as I waited for the person. How I wish I hadn't though. I saw Spock come around the corner and I hung my head in defeat. Today was just going to be freaking perfect I could tell. Honestly what else could go wrong?

After about five seconds of the most awkward silence of my life that seemed to go on forever I finally spoke up, "Commander I do apologize for this morning. I should have knocked," I could feel my face heating up and my heart beginning to race again. What the heck was wrong with me? Spock was quiet as if picking his word carefully.

"It is fine Lieutenant. I too am at fault for not locking the door when I entered. Although," he paused and before he could continue his thought the doors opened and we stepped onto the bridge. Spock took his place at his station and I happily took my on the opposing side of the room. Maybe this wasn't the best idea I've ever had. Spock was not stupid he was highly intelligent it would take no time before he figured out I was lying about everything. And I had a feeling him being the duty bound officer he was I would be dropped off at the first available location as soon as he told the captain.

Our lift off was smooth and simple the entire shift went by so fast because I was lost in my own thoughts. Mostly thoughts concerning the first officer currently sitting in his chair discussion course destination with the captain. He had been on my mind all day long and I couldn't figure out why I could not get him out of my head. It was not just thought of what would happen if he found out the truth but thoughts of breaking down his barriers, looking inside that brilliant mind of his and seeing if underneath all that Vulcan exterior there was a human heart that could love.

Alpha ship was over and I was planning to head to sick bay to talk to the doctor about the events of last night seeing as how we never really got a full chance to converse but as I was relieved the Captain joined in the turbo lift.

"Lieutenant I'm sorry for anything I might have said or done last night. Spock informed me that it was you who carried my intoxicated arse back to my cabin last night. I just wanted to say thank you for that. An again apologize for anything I might have said," he looked at me like a school boy. I couldn't help but smile.

"It is perfectly fine Captain. I am glad to see you enjoyed yourself last night but in the future maybe watch what Scotty's putting in your drink from now on. That didn't smell like regular beer to me," I joked.

"Please call me Jim. We are not on shift and we are friends are we not Anders?"

"Yes cap- I mean Jim. I believe we are," another smile which Kirk mirrored back. I was beginning to feel welcome aboard the ship and for the first time I felt like I truly did have a friend. Once out of the turbo lift the Captain headed one way and I the other. When I reached the door of McCoy's office I could hear voices coming from inside.

"Doctor I need a look at one the crew members files," Spock's voice came through loud and clear.

"Spock you know all patient files are confidential. Unless the Captain himself orders me to release them with reasonable warrant I'm not releasing any files to anyone," McCoy barked back.

"Doctor something is just not right with the Lieutenant and I intend to find out what it is. If there is something you are keeping from me I will find out," I could hear him walking this was and ducked into the opposing room. Once I could no longer hear Spock's footsteps I walked out and softly knocked on McCoy's door.

"Spock I told you I'm not giving you any information!" I softly pushed the door open.

"It's me doctor," I figured since he already knew it was okay to use my normal voice, which came out soft, sweet and innocent. McCoy turned as if he did not know who he was speaking to, looking at me funny.

"Is that your normal voice?" he asked. I nodded silently. It was nice to let down my defense and be my true self if only for little while.

"Wow, I never would have guess. You've got this act down pretty well haven't you?"

"Heh, I guess you can say that Doctor. It's been quiet sometime since I spoke normally," I smiled at him and he smiled back.

"So since we didn't get a chance to talk at the party due to the drunken tomfoolery of our beloved Captain I assume that's why you are here. Want to tell me why you are pretending to be a man?" I told McCoy everything. I was such a relief to finally tell someone the truth. I told him I wanted to be captain of a star ship one day and that this seemed the only logical way to be treated as an equal. He seemed very understanding.

"Well your secret is safe with me. But I'd watch out for the green blooded hobgoblin known as Spock. He was in here just seconds before you asking to see your medical files. And just out of pure curiosity what is your real name?"

"I did hear Spock asking for my files. Thank you for protecting them doctor. You are a truly amazing man and if I may be permitted to say, friend. Oh and my name is Andrea Amell or Andie whatever you prefer."

"Andie huh? Well do you mind if I do a proper evaluation on you know that I know the truth?"

"Of course Doctor."

The examination didn't take very long but McCoy and I talked the entire time so maybe it did take longer than it seemed. After that was done we walked to the dinner room to grab a bite to eat. It was empty except for a few people Kirk, Uhura, Scotty and Spock. Bones and I grabbed our trays and went to join them at the table. Spock looking at me like I was an equation he simply couldn't figure out and I could see it frustrated him to no end. I smirk to myself as I began talking to the captain about his life on earth and his hobbies.

By the time we had finished eating I felt like I knew everyone better, everyone except Spock who had picked at his food and said little while everyone else chatted. It seems I was not the only one who noticed for I saw Kirk looking at the commander as well, a worried look displayed in his eyes.

"Spock are you feeling alright?" Kirk finally asked. Everyone turned to look at the Vulcan who was snapped out of his thoughts. He lifted his gaze from me to Kirk.

"I am feeling fine Captain. I'm sorry but I think I shall turn in early tonight, do excuse me," he stood to leave the table quickly making his way out of the room.

"Wonder what's up with him?" Scotty commented.

"Bones maybe you should check him out. He's seemed off all day," Kirk pointed out.

"You know just as well as I do that if Spock doesn't want me to look at him I won't be able to get near him. Besides I'm probably the last person he wants to see," Bones said laughing. I looked down at my plate of dessert. Sugar wasn't really my thing I slide the piece of cake over onto McCoy's tray. He looked at over at me like I'd lost my mind.

"I don't really like sweets. You eat it Bones," I said nudging his shoulder to encourage him. He happily accepted with a smile. I was making friends fast and I felt closer to McCoy because he knew the truth about me. The evening progressed pleasantly with games and even a song or two from Uhura. I and the Captain walked back to our quarters together laughing the whole way.

We stopped at his door and he looked at me, the same look he had given me last night. "Well Anders it's been a long day. I'm glad we had a chance to get to know you better tonight at dinner. I'm sorry that not all the crew was as friendly," he looked over to Spock's room.

"It's alright Jim. I don't know what it is but I get the feeling our Vulcan commander doesn't care for my presence very much. But it does not bother me so do not worry about it. We can't have everything Captain. You have an amazing crew Jim, it's almost like a family, but as I'm sure you know all families have their issues," I smiled and swatted him on the shoulder gently as he had done to me many times. The Captain smiled and laughed.

"Don't I know it," he said. "Well I shall see you tomorrow on the bridge Anders."

"Affirmative Captain. Pleasant dream," I said turning for my own quarters. I had barely sat down and taken my shoes off when the computer beeped someone was at the door. I pushed the button to open it. Spock stepped in still in uniform, exactly as he had left the dining room hours ago, the same confused look on his face.

"Lieutenant I wish to speak with you," he said not moving from his space in the doorway.

"Well Commander this is a surprise. You didn't seem too talkative at dinner. What have I done to earn the pleasure of such an event," the sarcasm dripped from me like a venom dagger. I was hoping to put back up my walls that seemed to be crumbling due the incredibly perfect Vulcan standing there.

"I am sorry for my behavior tonight. I simply just do not understand," he stated plainly. I put on a coy smile and decided to play with the little confused mouse that appeared caught in my trap.

"Well perhaps I could enlighten you . Tell me what is it that you do not understand?"

"Something is not right about you. Someone with as much knowledge as yourself could be so great yet here you are in a low ranking position wasting your talents," he said.

"I could say the same about you ya know? Other than my own you had the top marks at the academy as well but you too had to work to get where you are now. I am simply doing the same thing you are."

"Yes but I looked into everything before entering the academy it was like you didn't care about school someone with your knowledge would have achievements, awards but your records are perfectly clear," he paused, "I'm sorry I'm not making much sense I'll go now," he hurried out the door before I could try to stop him. I sighed and began removing my uniform I began lifting my shirt over my head when I heard the door open once more. I didn't even have to look to know it was Spock standing there. I quickly pulled my shirt back down, covering myself and looked at him in horror. I could not decipher the look on his face and that scared me.


	2. Chapter 2

I stood paralyzed in fear while Spock just stood there looking at me. I had to say something but I couldn't get my brain to function correctly. Thankfully it was Spock who spoke first, "Lieutenant permission to enter and speak with you," he said diverting his gaze to the floor. His face and ears were a faint shade of green almost like he was blushing.

"Permission granted commander please," I said gesturing towards the chair across from my own. Spock silently crossed the room and sat down. "Commander I'm sure you have a lot of questions. I'm willing to answer all of them if you so desire," I looked across the table at the man staring back at me. His eyes held so much confusion and something else that I was not familiar with seeing there.

"Thank you. So just so we are on the same level you are female correct? But you are masquerading as a male?"

"That is correct sir. My real name is Andrea Amell and I mean no harm to your or this ship sir. I simply want to learn and become Captain of a star fleet ship of my own one day," I reached across the table and touched his hand slightly. "Surely you must understand Spock. To get what I've always dreamed about I had to level the playing field. You know as well as I no female has ever held a rank higher than second in command. That's not good enough. I strive for higher goals."

"I suppose you do have a point there. And that would explain some of my earlier questions. I'm assuming you started this act when you first applied to the academy which is why there are hardly and records pertaining your existence before then but how?"

"How did I fool everyone at the academy?" I chuckled softly. "Bones asked me the same thing. Turns out your wits are far less superior to my hacking skills. It was easy to access Star Fleets data bases and alter records. But I only did it so I could continue without discovery. I pose no threat, I promise you that."

"Your intelligence is impressive as always. I take it McCoy knows the truth about you but does anyone else?"

"Only the doctor and yourself Spock. Please don't tell anyone though. I know that the Captain should be informed and I really do want to tell him but altering documents is a crime, I could be kicked off this ship Spock," I looked up at him with pleading eyes hoping to appeal to his human side. "You cannot argue that I am perfectly capable of my position on this ship and this in no way changes anything." Spock was quiet for a minute and I could see the wheels turning in his marvelous brain.

"Lieutenant Vulcans do not lie if the Captain were to ask me I would have no choice but to tell him. But I can assure you that I will not bring up the topic in any form. I'm sorry but that is simply the best I can offer you," he finally looked up at me and our eyes met again. The wall I had built to protect myself was completely broken at that moment. Spock seems to have let his barriers down as well for I felt like I was staring into his soul. Without even realizing it I spoke, not in my masculine voice but in my normal one.

"Thank you commander. It's not ideal but it is certainly better than the alternative. You are a man of dignity and logic . I respect you in the highest and now you have my gratitude as well." The look on Spock's face softened. He seemed more at ease now that I guess I had given up the act.

"Lieutenant my I ask for your real name? I figured that while in private it would only be fitting to address you as such," Spock said.

"My name is Andie commander," I said smiling. It looked to me like a smile smirk formed on Spock's face but it was gone as soon as it had arrived.

"Well Andie seeing as how my curiosity is now sated would you mind playing another game of chess with me? I find it helps me relax," he stated plainly. I chuckled softly and Spock looked at me in a most unusual way. Once I had set up my own chess board I began asking Spock questions about himself. I wanted to know so much about the Vulcan.

"So this one might be a little awkward so if I'm stepping over any line please let me know," I paused to let him acknowledge. "Well is there something going on between you and Uhura? I mean from what I have observed there is a thick wall of ice between the two of you that couldn't be cut with a chain saw."

"You are as observant as ever," he smiled. Spock actually smiled at me! I could die happy with that being the last thing I saw. "Nyota and I were in a relationship back in our academy years and following into our life here on the Enterprise. But I simply couldn't make her happy. My mission is to the ship first and everything else second. I tried to make her see that but she took it highly personal in the fact that I had no desire to live on and be with her." Spock stopped and looked up at me waiting for me to make my move. I had completely forgotten about the game and had been sucked into the world of Spock. Uhura was a damn fool. I concentrated on the board for a moment looking over Spock's last move and trying to anticipate his next. Once I moved my piece into place I looked back at Spock.

"If I may be permitted to say Uhura is a fool. Anyone can die in this line of work. It is defiantly not the safest job available. But we all signed up and we are all here. The needs of the many, out way the needs of the few,"

"Or the one," Spock finished. He looked up at me, curiosity filling his eyes. "An old Vulcan proverb. How is it you come to know of it?"

"Star Fleet as an amazing library and some pretty interesting files on Vulcan, those however are not common reading," I sheepishly grinned. "I found the Vulcan way of life to be peaceful. Not like humans. We are truly a superior race compared to Vulcans. We let ourselves be overwhelmed by emotions that cloud our judgment. I've always envied your people, wishing I had been born one myself."

"You just keep getting more and more interesting by the minute don't you Andie?" I looked over at Spock who had not yet made his move but his attention was no longer on the game, it was focused solely on me. "Being a Vulcan is not as easy as you'd expect. There are major disadvantages to humans. For instance Vulcans usually tend not to fall in love. They only take wives for mating purposes. But humans love so tenderly," he stopped. I felt a huge wave of courage wash over me as I asked,

"And what about you Spock? Do you love like a human or a Vulcan?" he seemed taken aback by my question, like even he did not know the answer.

"I have believed that my actions were Vulcan to the core but now," he paused to look at his hands which were fidgeting in his laps.

"Now what?" I said reaching my arm across to rest on his shoulder.

"Now I'm not certain," he said plainly.

"What has you uncertain?" I asked.

"I did have feeling for Nyota. She was my rock when Vulcan was destroyed and now," he was cut off by a page coming through my communications system.

"Lieutenant Anders, this is the Captain," the voice rang. I pushed the button to respond,

"This is Anders Captain what can I do for you?" I kept my gaze locked on Spock.

"Lieutenant if it is no inconvenience I would like to have a word with you in my quarters."

"I'll be right there Captain," I flicked of communication. "It looks like duty calls. We shall have to continue this conversation another time?" I questioned. Spock nodded and stood up.

"Pleasant night Andie," he said as he departed. I sighed as I followed him out and to the captain's cabin. I knocked lightly before a voice beaconed me in. the Captain was sitting at his desk looking over some paper work.

"I didn't think you'd be here so quickly Anders," he said putting the paperwork down.

"Captain my room is only two doors down from yours." He looked at me with surprise.

"I didn't know that. If that were the case I would have just come to you," he smiled and offered me a seat. I relaxed in the chair looking over at my Captain. He was highly attractive by human standards and if I didn't have my sights set on a certain Vulcan commander I might actually attempt something with the captain. But then I remember why that would not be a possibility. "I was just looking over your file here and had a few questions for you if you don't mind."

"Of course not Jim," I said remembering that we were friends now. "What is it you want to ask?"

"Well you file is exceptional in every means my first question is why did you pick such a lower ranking position? You could be first officer somewhere by now and Captain in less than a year I'm betting." I smiled.

"Well Captain you are well known to all and as much as I would like to be Captain one day I feel I still have a lot to learn and felt you would be the perfect example. Plus how often does a five year journey into space some along. I simply couldn't pass up an opportunity like this, even if it meant I had to drop a few ranks," I smiled as I saw the captain's eyes light up.

"I guess I can understand that. My next question is it looks like the only fitness activity you took was combat fighting. No other physical classes. You can fight correct?"

"Of course Captain."

"Excellent. I request that you join me in the training room tomorrow after shift so that I can see how well you fight, and defend yourself. It is an essential part of this job and I want to make sure you'll be safe," with that he smiled at me very warmly.

"Of course Captain."

"I told you to call me Jim when we weren't on shift didn't I?"

"I apologize Jim," I said offering him a warm smile of my own. He looked at me odd again. "Jim you keep giving me this odd look is everything okay?" He looked startled for a moment.

"Nothing it's nothing. Just my imagination running wide I guess. You remind me of someone I use to know as a child. Her name was Andie I think," he gave a fond smile like he was thinking of a pleasant memory. I froze. James T. Kirk. I don't know why I hadn't made the connection before. We grew up together, went to the same school, and even dated for a while in high school before he had gone off to join the academy. He had changed so much since then that I didn't even know it was him.

"This Andie of yours based on the look on your face I'm guessing she was pretty special to you?" I couldn't help but wonder what he had thought of me back then.

"She was and always will be my one true love I guess. I tried looking her up a few times while I was in the academy but she seems to have disappeared completely," his features saddened. While I had been in love with Jim back than when he left it had left me bitter towards him. But knowing that he had tried contacting me made the resentment fade. He was my first love and he always would be but I simply was not the same naïve girl anymore. As much as I wished I could tell him that I was here I figured even if I did he would not believe me.

"If you don't mind my asking Jim, what would you even say to her if you were to meet her again?" he smiled and without even having to think he said,

"That I was a fool for leaving the way I did and that no woman would ever fill the emptiness inside me like she did. My world was covered in darkness and she was my light. I owe everything I am to today to her. I just want her to know that. I'm sure she is still mad about the way I left but I still love her with all my heart. And that yes I have been with other woman since that none of them meant anything to me not like when I was with her," he looked down at the table, which was good for me because I was beginning to feel tears wetting my eye lashes.

"Jim I'm sure she knows that you left for a reason and that she isn't mad about it. I think she is one lucky lady to have a man like you to love her," I said. I know that normally a guy wouldn't say something like that but I still felt the need to comfort Jim even now.

"You really are a great guy Anders," Kirk said, "That sounds exactly like something she would have said. And it's what I needed to hear I think." In order to not compromise myself anymore I decided to change the subject.

"Jim is there anything else I can do for you?" he shook his head.

"No you've done more than enough. Thank you." I smiled and got up and headed towards the door.

"Pleasant dreams Jim," I commented before the door closed behind me. I smiled to myself as I passed Spock's room. I half considered knocking so that we could finish our earlier conversation but I figured he would most likely be asleep by now so I headed to my own cabin ready to turn in after a long day.

It had been a full week since the Enterprise had left earth and the days seemed to pass by so quickly. I would wake up, report to my post, normal go visit McCoy before dinner then indulge in reading before bed. I hadn't gotten a chance to talk to Spock since that night. He had not returned and I didn't dare ask him. Finally on day eight while I was sitting in my room reading I heard a knock at the door.

"Enter," I said placing my bookmark, which was a picture of Jim and myself back in high school that I had dug out, into the book and closing it.

"Lieutenant I was wondering if we could finish our conversation from the other night?" Spock asked point blank. "I have had time to think about it and I am sure of my answer now." I sat up and looked up at him.

"And what answer have you come to?"

"I have come to the conclusion that I love like my human mother and that love is direct solely to you," his gaze fixed on me as he began walking towards me. Before I could even think Spock's lips were on mine. It was gentle yet passionate, calming yet exciting, yearning yet content. It was like no kiss I had ever had in my life and before I knew it my body was responding as my hands wrapped around his neck, pulling him down on top of me and my fingers slithered into his perfectly kept black hair.

When we finally broke for air Spock pulled away and placed his forehead on mine. "I love you Andie," he said plainly. "Since the first time I met you I found you occupied my every thought, and even more so a week ago when I found out the truth about you."

"I love you to Spock since the beginning." He ran his fingers through my messy bed head.

"What did you look like before? I bet you had long hair," he commented. I sat up and picked up the book once more pulling out the picture inside, making sure to cover kirk's face with my thumb. The girl in the picture was pretty in her own way with tan skin that shined in the summer sun. long blonde hair cascading around her face.

"You're beautiful," he said.

"I was beautiful you mean," I said. He moved his hand up to stroke my cheek.

"No even now, dressed like a man I can still see the beauty inside you," he kissed me softly again, just a light brushing of the lips to get his point across.

"Spock you know this won't be easy. If people see us together they might begin to talk behind your back. I'm used to it but I couldn't ask you to suffer that burden with me."

"We will just keep It between us. Go on like nothing has changed then. And if someone does start to say something let them. All that matters is that with you here, now this is all I need. You are everything to me." I smiled and nuzzled my head onto his shoulder.

I don't remember when I fell asleep but when I awoke Spock was gone. The bed seemed so empty without him. I had slept all night and had to report for shift in less than an hour. I crawled out of the warm bed and began my day.

After shift was over I decided to skip my normal meeting with McCoy because the night crew was almost an hour late in reliving me. I headed to the rec hall and began reading once more. Before I knew it I was joined by the captain.

"What you got there?" he asked. I quickly put the picture into the book so that he wouldn't see it.

"Romeo and Juliet. I've read it so many times I could probably recite the whole thing but it's still a favorite of mine," I placed the book down on the table beside me and completely forgot about it as the night progressed. We were joined by the rest of our friends shortly after and began talking about old literature. When the night was finally coming to an end I excused myself from the table and began heading back to my room, leaving the book so carelessly behind. Spock stayed and continued talking with the captain, I had hoped he would come with me but I guess that would look very odd.

As I lie in bed staring at the ceiling waiting for Spock I hear footsteps coming down the hallway but they sound too heavy and frantic to be Spock. I close my eyes briefly but than my door buzzes. I reached over and pressed the open button, sitting up in the process. Jim stood in the doorway with my discarded book in one hand and a picture in the other.

"Where did you get this?" he demanded as he stomped over to the bed and flashed the picture in front of me. How could I have been so careless as to leave it behind?

"Captain please calm down," I said.

"Calm? You want me to be calm? I want to know where you got this picture and I want to know now. That's an order," he stated firmly.

"James are you really that naïve?" I said. I said it in my normal voice, something that was so familiar to him. He looked at me like I had slapped him across the face.

"Andie is that really you?"


	3. Chapter 3

Okay guys so i am so sorry that it took so long for me to update this chapter and that it's kinda short but it is full of events i promise! Thank you so much for everyone that is still reading everything i do is for all of you lovelies! 3 oh and sorry about the POV change about half way though it needed to happen to progress the story. chapter four should be up by this weekend at the latest and it may or may not be the last chapter we shall see :D Enjoy!

Jim stood there with a dumbfounded look on his face, his mouth gaping. I leaned back on the bed to relax, well guess the cat was out of the bag now, "Since you're not going by Ty anymore it seems," I giggled softly.

"Andie?" he questions. He already knew the answer so didn't wait for me to respond. "This can't be real," he began pacing back and forth in front of the bed. One, two three steps turn, on two three, turn back. He continued this for six complete laps before speaking again. "You're so, and then, but how?" before he could get one question out another would pop into his head. I giggled at his frustration and he finally stopped to look at me.

"I am more inclined to answer all your questions Jim but one at a time please," I smiled. He smiled back and all the memories came rushing back to me. Playing on the playground, staying out way past dark because he would beg me to, and then when we grew up skipping school, riding down the long high way on the back of Jim's bike. The final memory that I remember is receiving a note one night to meet Kirk at our favorite spot. It was a giant tree that we would always go when life got too rough for us to handle. I waited, and waited for him until night turned to day he still never showed so I waited longer until the sun sunk behind the trees and stars engulfed the sky. He never came. Finally I gave up and went home. The next day I found out that someone had seen him boarding a star fleet ship. He never said goodbye and I never heard from him after that.

Jim finally stopped pacing and sat down at the edge of the bed. He placed his hand over mine and squeezed it tightly, like he was making sure that this was real. This would make for one odd dream, I thought. His other hand reached up to cup my cheek as he looked deep into my eyes as if he could find all the answers beneath. "It's really you," he sighed, in relief, I believe.

"It's really me Jim. I'm really here," I said softly reaching my hand out of his grip to touch to one on my face.

"But how? Why are you dressed like a boy? What happened after I left? I'm so sorry I left, please forgive me," he babbled.

"Jim I told you I wanted to join Star Fleet. I felt this was the only way that I could be considered equal, that only my talents mattered. After you left thing became clear and forgive you for what?" I could feel the resentment that I had held back for so long bubbling up inside me again. "For standing me up? For leaving?" my true feelings roared up, "For letting me fall in love with you then tossing me aside as soon as your big break came? For showing me what a cold place the world really is? For breaking the promise you made to me when we were kids?" Jim's hand fell from my cheek onto his lap.

"For everything," he said softly. "I should have been there, should have taken you with me like I promised you I would. I had just gotten so lost and I couldn't find myself. I didn't want to hurt you, didn't want to make you feel pain as you watched me self-destruct." I stood up and walked over to the table. I could feel the tears beginning to build. I would NOT let him see me cry, not after all this time

"But I did hurt, you weren't there," I had raised my voice as I was using most of my control to keep the tears from falling. "Not only was I hurting from a broken heart but my body was hurting. Do you know what that bastard did to me for staying out for two days while I waited for you?" He knew exactly who I was talking about. My wicked step dad who had raised me since my mom died when I was five. "Oh and the people who you screwed over before you left? Yeah they came after me to. Asking where you were and that if they couldn't find you they would get what you owed them one way or another." I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. The rushed down my cheeks. I hadn't let myself cry when he didn't show, when I found out he had left, not even when I was in the hospital for a month with three broken ribs and a punctured lung, so why now?

It was clear to me the reason why I didn't recognize Jim when I saw him again. My mind had chosen to forget his face, forget all the hurtful things that happened when he left. I didn't want it to be him because it meant I had to face the thing I was running from.

"Get out!" I yelled. He stood but didn't head towards the door, instead he walked over to me and placed his hand on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry," was all he said. I grabbed his hand and spun around looking him dead in the eyes, not caring that they were probably all red from the tears. "Not yet you're not but you will be if you don't get out right now," I wasn't yelling now but my voice was stern and louder than normal. I released his wrist after jerking it so he would head in the right direction. Luckily he was smart enough to get the point and exited my quarters but not before he said, "I still love you Andie, and I will find a way to make up for what I have done." The door closed and I felt my knees give in as I crumpled to the floor, let the tears really fall now.

I heard a door open but it was not the main door, rather the door to the restroom. I looked up to see Spock leaning down in front of me. He lift my face to look at me and I lurched myself into his arms. He was safe, he was comfortable, and for once in my life I didn't feel afraid as long as his arms were holding me tightly. I leaned my head up to look at him and he looked at me with such endearment that I went from being cold all the way to my soul to exploding with warmth. Timidly I leaned forward and kissed him. Trying to show him just how much he meant to me in that moment because words simply wouldn't be enough.

The kiss was over before I was ready for it to end but Spock still did not release his hold on me. Instead he scooped me up into his arms and moved me over to the bed. He laid me down gently the slide in beside me, still cradling me. The tears had finally stopped and I felt my eyes beginning to become heavy. I felt Spock's fingers come up to my face on my psi points.

"May I?" he asked softly. I nodded softly. He wanted to know why he had found me crying, who he had heard me yelling at I assume. I opened my mind and before I knew it I could feel Spock inside. I project images of a younger version of myself and Jim then as we grew older up until after I was out of the hospital the next image I showed him was the scene that had just happened with Jim. When he pulled away I saw registration and understanding in his eyes but my mind was to tired and I slowly began fading into the blackness.

Andie had been through a lot tonight and I felt it best not to wake her by moving so I watched her sleep peacefully. I felt like after the meld I had a much better understanding of the girl that I was falling in love with. And as a Vulcan I do not use that term lightly. I had feeling for Nyota but they were nothing more than what humans would call a fling, a desperate need for comfort in a hard period of my life, I believe humans call in a rebound. But when I looked at the girl lying next to me all my defenses fall away. Everything about me that was Vulcan gone and I am human, and I am in love.

My father told me once that Vulcans feel more than any other creature but we control it with logic. I could feel the feelings he was talking about but there was not logic in this. It was pure emotion, in my many hours of meditation I reasoned that it was because of my mother who had raised me with such love and that I have been so numb since she died. While I've only ever admitted to myself once I regret not being more of a loving son, choosing my Vulcan half over my human. But none of that mattered anymore. Since the first time I had met the lieutenant I had begun to feel myself stirring. I had become dead and cold inside like winter. She is my spring. Thawing the ice and bringing life back into the flowers.

When I had first realized I felt this way it was before I knew she was a girl. I had even gone so far as to question my sexual orientation. But that seemed so illogical so I became frustrated with myself and couldn't concentrate for days. When the truth had come out, all those hours of long though and meditation had ended in one thing. I was in love with her, she was my everything and I would do everything to protect her.

I am not sure when I had fallen asleep but when I woke Andie had rolled over and was curled up into a ball next to me. I smiled at her and kissed the back of her head gently before getting out of bed. Not fully awake it never occurred to me to use the door that joined our rooms, so I exited out the main door and as I turned the corner to exit I ran right into the captain. Visions of what I had seen in Andie's head rushed to my mind. He looked at me stunned.

"I apologize Captain I was not watching where I was going," I said as I stepped out of his way.

"What are you doing coming out of the lieutenant's quarters at this hour Commander?"

"I'm sorry Captain but what I was doing in the lieutenant's quarters is between me and him. Unless you are going to order me to tell you," I said coldly. He mulled it over for a moment before answering.

"I am making it an order. So you will answer me right now Commander, What were you doing in Ander's quarters?"

"Perhaps this is a conversation to have in a more private setting," I said gesturing to the two crew members that rounded the corner.

"Yes I believe it is," he turned and walked back to his quarters and I followed him until we were both behind closed doors.

"Now are you going to answer my question or not Commander?"

"Of course Captain. After your fight with the Lieutenant last night, that I happened to hear part of through the door, I went over to make sure she was okay, I ended up falling asleep. It was a simple as that Captain."

"So you know about her then?"

"Of course Captain. And I feel it necessary to also inform you that I am in love with her and if you make her cry again I will be forced to act against you," I made sure to keep my calm composure. It wasn't hard really, the only person who had ever completely broken it was Andie.

"I forbid it," came the Captain's response.

"Excuse me?" I said, "And what makes you think you can forbid me from loving her?"

"Because I am Captain of this ship and if you choose not to listen to my orders I will have you discharged," Kirk's reaction was calm enough but I could hear his breath becoming ragged and his blood pumping in his veins.

"Well I am not going to stop so do what you have to do Captain."


	4. Chapter 4

nk you so much to everyone who is reading this and commenting. Your kind words mean the world to me and inspire me everyday so i hope this last chapter isn't a disapointment and that you all have enjoyed the story. so without further or due...

Before I knew what happened Kirk's fist collided with my jaw. I stumbled back because the movement caught me off guard. It was clear that the Captain was being fueled by his primate emotions. He believed he was protecting what was his. But it most certainly wasn't, by any means and I would make him see that even if it meant showing my human nature.

I quickly regained my composure and stood like a pillar of power acting like the punch had no effect on me, when in reality my cheek hurt and I was positive there would be a bruise there later. The Captain stood there fuming.

"You're barely even human what would you know about love!?" he hollered.

"I know more than to leave a girl waiting for you only to leave her with an abusive father," I said calmly. I would not let him get to me. I would not lose my composure like I had the last time we had fought.

"You know nothing of what happened back then so don't even try to act all high and mighty with me you machine," he had calmed his voice a bit so he was not yelling any more. "You have no idea what it's like to want to protect someone so much that even if you had to leave them you would just to make sure they were safe."

"Captain you have no idea what I am capable of feeling for some one. No idea what I would give to protect the people I care for." He paused like he was trying to resist what he was going to say.

"Like you tried so hard to save your mother. You watched her die Spock you watched her fall and did nothing but stand there and after that you acted like it meant nothing. Is that your idea of love? Or caring? Letting the people you care for most in life die?"

I snapped. It happened every time someone talked about my mother like that. I flew at him fists blazing not caring anymore about self-control or even whether or not I killed the man. All I knew was rage, hate, pain lose loneliness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Andie's POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I awoke to a loud banging next door. I looked over to see that Spock was no longer lying beside me. An increased sense of urgency rushed over me as I bolt for the bathroom door. I had a feeling where the loud bang had come from and when I opened the door I found that my prediction had been right. There was Spock on top of Kirk punching the life out of him. But based on Spock present state it looks like the fight wasn't as one sided as it look. I heard Kirk Speak, "Spock you know nothing of love. Do what's best for her and give her back to me," he shouted. Bam, Spock Fist collided with his face again.

"You don't deserve her and you know it," Spock resorted. I wanted to say something, stop them but I was frozen to the spot. Spock raised his fist again and finally I was able to move again.

"Stop it both of you!" Bam Spock's fist came down. They couldn't hear me. They were too caught up in their own world to be bothered to hear reason. So I rushed to them and grabbed Spock's raised fist in my hand. "Please stop," I pleaded again. It took him a moment to register that it was me but when he did I could see the anger recede from his eyes as he turned to look at me. I looked from him to Kirk, who was staring at me as well, the fire leaving his eyes also. I helped Spock up and went over to the desk.

"Anders to medical bay, doctor McCoy report please," I tried.

"McCoy here. What can I do for you Lieutenant?"

"I need you to come to the Captain's quarters immediately, and bring a first aid kit, Anders out."

Having now paged the doctor it was time to face the two idiots now standing in front of me. I stepped over in front of them, and slapped them both hard across the face their faces were stunned in shock. "What the hell do you think you two were doing!?" I asked firmly. It looked like Spock and Jim were both ready to answer but I continued. "You are both grown men and more than that you two are friends. I don't care what excused or reasons you two have there is no reason grown m en should be acting like little children. And second of all," I turned my attention now solely to Jim. "I am not a possession to simply give up or be claimed and if you so much as think that again I'll be the one you'll have to answer to," then I turned my attention to Spock. "I don't know what happened but You're better than this Spock. I know you are. Yes Jim can be an ass but you just have to learn to take what he says with a grain of salt no matter how dumb or ignorant."

Right about then the doors opened to reveal Bones caring two medical kits.

"What the hell happened to you two?" Jim smiled sheepishly and Spock just stared at the doctor. I walked over to McCoy and took one of the kits from his hand.

"Oh you know a typical male battle of testosterone," I offered gently. He looked at me in surprise because I was talking to him like a girl instead of like a guy. "Don't worry idiots one and two already know. Long story but my best guess is that's what this is all about anyway." I walked over to Spock and pushed him to sit in the chair as I opened the first aid kit.

I pressed the disinfectant to Spock's wound and he winced. I laughed, "You can take a hit like an MBA fighter but when it comes to a little alcohol you wince like a little kid." He smirked. I kissed the gash on his cheek before declaring him fit to relax. Jim glared over at us and McCoy has his back to us so he didn't see it.

"What the hell were you two idiots thinking?" Bones asked closing up his owe kit.

"I was think my First officer was being a selfish stubborn buffoon," Kirk said standing up . Spock glared at him.

"And I was thinking my Captain is a narcissistic moron who cares for no one but himself," Spock said. If McCoy and I hadn't been standing in between them I'm sure their fists would be flying again.

"Would you two knock it off or I swear I'll make you both regret it," I said very sternly so they would know I was serious. They both looked at me like I had a third head while McCoy just smiled.

"I believe it is best that you return to your room Commander and prepare for alpha shift. Where we are going to pretend this whole thing didn't happen right boys?" I said. Spock looked at me then turned to return to his own room. McCoy and I looked at each other and I think he got the point that I needed to talk to the Captain alone. He took both kits and exited the room as I thanked him for coming so quickly. Once Bones left I turned to focus on Jim. Before I could say anything he asked,

"You can't really have feelings for that guy right?"

"As a matter of fact James I do. Unlike you I've moved on from my past," I could see the hurt in his eyes, "but that doesn't mean that I don't still treasure everything we had back then. You are my first love Jim. But that is why they call it a first love, because there will always be a second." I walked up to him and cradled him swollen cheek in my hand. "You meant more to me than I could ever explain in words. But we are two very different people now and things have changed. My heart belongs to Spock now and nothing is going to change that. I know it may seem difficult but you will find someone who makes you feel the way I made you feel it only takes time."

He reached up and placed his hand over my own. "That's not true. For me you are the only one. But because I care so much that I want you to be happy I'll back off. But know that if he breaks your heart I'll be right there to pick up the pieces after I punch his lights out," he smiled softly. "Just can we still be friends? I don't want you to hate me anymore."

"Jim I have never hated you and I could never hate you. You are an amazing man and I would be honored to consider you my friend." I looked down at the floor. "I had better get ready for shift." He nodded and I turned to leave.

When I entered my own quarters it was not surprise to see Spock standing there. He looked up at me and his dark brown eyes sparkled like diamonds. I rushed to him and his arm wrapped around me.

"I'm so sorry," he kept muttering into my hair. I pulled back slightly so I could look up at him.

"There is nothing to be sorry for Spock. I know you did what you did because you care and because Jim's an ass," I joked. "I just don't want to ever see you hurt." I pushed up onto my tiptoes and kissed him. This kiss was different than the previous kisses we had shared. My best guess was that sense Spock's defenses had already crumbled so much today he had no restraint left. He kissed me back hard sliding one of his hands up into my hair the other tightening around my waist. We were one person, one being, nothing separating us from each other's souls.

When Spock pulled away I was afraid I had done something wrong but the look in his eyes suggested differently. "Andrea I know that we have not been together very long but I want to ask you something. Vulcans are very different from humans where as they pick one person to be with for the rest of their lives. Most of the time that person is chosen at a young age based on instinct. Vulcan's know when we have a compatibility with someone and whenever I look at you, touch you, kiss you I feel alive in a way I never have before so I see no point in avoiding it. So I want you to be my bond mate, my other half, until the end of time." He looked so serious yet caring and gentle at the same time.

"Spock nothing would make me happier than to be with you forever." He kissed me again this time his hand on my face as our minds meld while our mouths met in union. We were one. I knew all Spock's thought just like he knew all mine. One perfect union bonded together for all time. When it was complete and I pulled away I said, "Guess this means I have to tell the crew I'm really a girl then." ~FIN

Well what did you all think? not to bad i hope. See you all in my next Fanfiction ~Lieutenant Andie signing off


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